Day 20: Go Find Some Mates
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I'm blessed to have a few good mates in my life. They're largely imbeciles — but they're my imbeciles, and I love them heaps. One of these clowns sent me a report the other day that was actually pretty alarming. It said 1 in 4 Australian men don’t have close friendships.
Not having friends, it said, can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Loneliness can increase the risk of early death by 26%. We need mates. But we’ve got to rethink what mateship really means. It’s not just about banter and shared hobbies — although that’s fun. It’s about real connection, which can be life-saving.
You don’t have to spill your guts every time you swing a golf stick, but it would be good to know someone has your back when things get real.
Let’s Talk
Even though the soundbite mentioned men, the stats about loneliness in women are also alarming.
According to a 2023 Relationships Australia report:
1 in 3 women report feeling lonely “often” or “almost always.”
Loneliness increases the risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and early death — regardless of gender.
Loneliness doesn’t always look like isolation. It can look like being surrounded by people but feeling unknown. It can look like scrolling your phone in a crowded café, or being in a church full of people but still feeling spiritually homeless.
We were made for connection — not just surface-level chatter, but honest, mutual, life-giving relationships.
God wired us for it.
Even Jesus had His three closest mates (Peter, James and John). And even in the garden of Gethsemane — His darkest hour — He didn’t want to be alone.
So why do we think we should be?
Whether you’re male or female, introverted or outgoing, crushing it or barely coping — you need your people. And your people need you.
Not just to survive — but to thrive.
Scripture Reflection
“Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (NIV)
This passage speaks directly to one of the deepest needs in the human soul: connection. It isn’t just a poetic proverb — it’s ancient wisdom that still rings true in an age of digital noise and emotional isolation.
Tremper Longman III, in his commentary on Ecclesiastes, notes that this text is not only about the practical benefits of companionship, but about the emotional and spiritual necessity of solidarity in a broken world. He writes, “The teacher is offering a protest against self-sufficiency. He’s showing that a life lived alone is a diminished life — less joyful, less fruitful, and more vulnerable to despair.”
The wisdom here is simple but profound: We are not meant to do life alone.
When mental illness or emotional exhaustion takes hold, the enemy often whispers, “You’re a burden. Keep it to yourself.” But Ecclesiastes reminds us — falling is not the problem. Falling alone is. Recovery and resilience are possible — but not in isolation.
This verse doesn’t just highlight the gift of friendship. It confronts the lie that strength equals independence. Biblical strength often looks like interdependence — bearing with one another, lifting one another, helping each other stand when we’ve lost our footing.
Mental Health Moment
Loneliness isn’t just hard — it’s a health crisis. Studies link chronic loneliness to:
A 26–30% increase in early death risk
Elevated cortisol (stress hormone)
Sleep disruption
Greater risk of depression and suicidal ideation
And the worst part? Many people feel too ashamed to admit they’re lonely.
Let’s normalise reaching out — not just in when it all hits the fan, but in the everyday moments.
Practice for Today
Ask yourself:
Who are my 3 closest people?
Do I feel emotionally safe with them?
When was the last time I reached out just to connect?
Then take one small step:
Text someone.
Book a coffee.
Take a friend to the movies or watch some netflix together
And if you feel like you don’t have that kind of person? Be brave enough to start building that circle. One conversation at a time.
A Prayer for the Lonely
Jesus,
You made us for relationship — with You and with each other.
But sometimes we get stuck in our own heads, our own pain, or our own pride.
Help us to reach out. To build connection.
To ask for help when we need it, and offer help when we see the need.
May we not settle for shallow — but go deep where life actually lives.
Amen.
Reflection Prompt
Who in your life could use a little connection this week?
And who can you reach out to — not because you're needy, but because you're human?
