Day 5: I Was Manic and Bought a House
-
One day, I was manic — and I bought a house.
I started researching that morning, and by the afternoon, I had signed a contract.
I was pumped. Excited. Energised.
Until the mania wore off… and I was left with a train wreck of fear and regret.
What did I do?
Why did I do that?
Who makes decisions like that on a whim?I know it wasn’t rational. But when you’re living with mental ill-health, you don’t always make rational decisions.
If you’re walking like me — living with mental illness — show yourself some grace when you mess up.
And if you’re walking with someone else who is struggling mentally, show them grace too.
You wouldn’t expect a physically ill friend to get everything physically right.
So don’t expect a mentally ill friend to always get it mentally right either.
Let’s Talk
Maybe you’ve never bought a house in a manic state.
But maybe you’ve said something you didn’t mean.
Hurt someone you love.
Made a decision you now carry with a heavy sense of shame.
Believe me when I say I have tested the limits of idiotic decisions in my life, and will continue to soil the bed… but what I’m learning to say to myself, even when I feel most disqualified and ridiculous is that.
I am not broken.
I am not disqualified.
I am human.
And even though humans are limited, fragile and prone to messing it all up, that doesn’t cancel our worth. It doesn’t void our calling. It doesn’t override the cross.
If we really understood the depth of Jesus’ love, If we grasped the full extent of His sacrifice, We’d stop trying to earn our way back into His favour.
Because He never left.
Even when our choices were irrational.
Even when our decisions were stupid.
Even when the paperwork was already signed and regret had already moved in.
He is still near. Still loving. Still calling us by name.
That’s grace. And grace doesn’t fail us, no matter how many times we fail ourselves.
Scripture
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.”
— Psalm 103:13–14 (NIV)
Mental Health Moment
Mental ill-health can cloud your judgment, zap your impulse control, and paralyze your decision-making—leaving you stuck, overwhelmed, and doubting yourself. It’s not just about making bad choices; it’s about your mind and body being under siege.
Dr. Warren Kinghorn observes, “When we view mental illness only through a biomedical lens, we miss the depth of personal story and relational meaning that undergirds each decision.” By this, he means that our choices—even poor ones—aren't merely wrong steps. They're often attempts to manage pain, fear, or confusion.
If you’re struggling to decide wisely:
Acknowledge the factors that clouded your judgment.
Take responsibility for what you can change.
Then, extend yourself the same grace God already gives.
If you’re supporting someone:
Recognise they may not even grasp why they acted as they did.
Offer understanding, not just correction.
Help them rebuild trust in their own decision-making—with compassion leading the way.
Mental illness may hinder our choices—but it doesn’t erase our identity or God's love for us. In the hard moments, grace reframes failure not as evidence of brokenness, but of humanity—and that is where healing begins.
Practice for Today
Is there something you’ve done during a low or high that you’re still beating yourself up over?
Take a breath.
Name it honestly.
Then write this down:
“I’m not a mistake. I made a decision while fragile or weak — and God’s love and kindness still covers me.”
A Prayer for those of us with decision regret
God,
You see the moments I regret. The decisions I made in confusion, mania, panic, or pain.
You don’t dismiss the fallout — but You don’t dismiss me either.
Thank You for compassion that doesn’t run our.
Thank You for grace that doesn’t end.
Help me live from that place today.
Amen.
Reflection Prompt
What would it look like to treat your mentally imperfect moments with the same compassion you’d give someone recovering from surgery or injury?
Where do you need to stop punishing yourself — and start receiving God’s grace?
