Faith, Mental Health & Ministry: Ralph Mayhew on Depression, Pastoring, and Finding Joy in Jesus
Episode Summary
In this powerful episode, Sunburnt Souls founder Dave Quak sits down with pastor, husband, dad, and church planter Ralph Mayhew to explore the intersection of faith, mental health, and ministry. Ralph openly shares his personal journey with depression, including the challenges of navigating a mental health struggle while attending Bible college and later serving as a pastor. They discuss how to break the stigma of mental health in the Christian world, the role of medication and self-care in a pastor's life, and finding an identity in Christ that is greater than our struggles with anxiety or depression. This is a vital conversation for anyone in ministry, anyone struggling with mental health, or those seeking faith-based resources on mental well-being.
Key Takeaways
Christian Mental Health
Depression in Ministry
Pastor Mental Health
Anxiety and Faith
Breaking Christian Stigma
Self-Care for Pastors
Finding Joy in Jesus
Welcome: Ralph Mayhew's Journey and Ministry
Dave Quak: Thanks for coming on the show, Ralph. You’re an awesome friend to me and a blessing in my life and many others. You wear many hats, both metaphorically and physically! Ralph, you’re a husband, a dad. Tell us about the family.
Ralph Mayhew: I’ve been married for 24 years. We’ve got two kids: Zara, who’s 11 and loves dancing, and Eamon, who’s nine and loves soccer. We’re busy running around with them.
Dave Quak: That’s so cool. As a profession, you’ve got two hats as well: the church role and your work with mission development.
Ralph Mayhew: Yeah, I’m the pastor at Village Church, which we planted eight years ago. It’s been amazing to see it grow. I also work with the Synod in the Uniting Church, coaching and supporting church planters. It’s exciting to partner with people on the front lines, remembering how tough it can be and offering advice from my experience. It helps me offer thoughts they might not have considered.
Dave Quak: Your church is thriving. You’ve also been a brother to me with my mental well-being. As listeners know, I don’t always flourish mentally, and I’ve called on you as a brother in Christ. You’ve been there with training as a pastor, empathy as a friend, and experience from your own struggles. Can we talk about that?
Navigating Depression in Ministry
Ralph Mayhew: Absolutely. I’ve been in ministry for over 20 years, and mental health is now more acceptable to discuss. Back when I struggled with depression, I didn’t know anyone else who had it. I thought something was wrong with me. Over time, I realized I wasn’t alone and wanted others to know that too. There are more resources now, like this podcast, to help people navigate it. It’s caused me to lean closer to people struggling, offering insights from my own journey to help them.
Dave Quak: Can you recall what it felt like to feel alone?
Ralph Mayhew: It was like being in a thick fog. I could hear people, but I felt detached, like I couldn’t reach them or bring them into my space. I didn’t fully understand it myself. We need to train people to talk about mental health, to create safe spaces to identify and address what’s going on.
It snuck up on me. I didn’t realize why I was miserable, sad, or despondent, with no desire for things I usually enjoyed. Irrational thoughts felt real because I had no mirror to show they weren’t healthy. Friends treating me differently made me realize I needed help. I went to a GP, got medication, and started addressing it as a real issue.
Dave Quak: Where was your wife in that?
Ralph Mayhew: She was amazing, sticking by me and speaking truth, which disarmed me because I trusted her. She had her own struggles, dealing with my out-of-character behavior without a clear cause.
Dave Quak: Did you ever feel it disqualified you from ministry?
Ralph Mayhew: There was always that fear. Preaching God’s truth while struggling mentally was hard, especially when my life didn’t feel congruent with what I was proclaiming. I clung to the fact that God called me, trusting He’d let me know if that changed. Gradually, the truth I preached became my truth again. Mental health struggles can make us believe lies about ourselves. Clarity comes from remembering God’s truth about us—His love, care, and calling. That helps us move forward.
Managing Triggers and Self-Care as a Christian Leader
Dave Quak: Do you still deal with this periodically?
Ralph Mayhew: A supervisor once told me I could go back to therapy or learn to identify and manage triggers. I chose the latter and became sensitive to what affects my mental health. I take breaks or shift my thinking when needed. The downs are shorter now, but I’m always aware of my vulnerability and prioritize self-care, especially as a pastor. The church can take a lot, so I rely on God to replenish me through Sabbath, prayer, or community.
Dave Quak: I felt mania creeping in yesterday while preaching. I had to push through but knew it was time to focus on replenishment—for my family and church.
Ralph Mayhew: Culture sets exhausting standards for a sound mind. Recalibrating to God’s expectations, which are often less than our own or the church’s, helps us minister in the midst of struggles.
Dave Quak: The more we wrestle theologically with this, the more we see God doesn’t have these high expectations we put on ourselves.
Breaking Stigma: Anxiety, Identity, and Medication
Dave Quak: With your oversight of churches, do you think the 25% anxiety statistic applies to the church, or are we still in denial?
Ralph Mayhew: Definitely 25%. People are more open to owning it now, which helps. Back in the day, admitting anxiety as a Christian got weird looks, like it meant your faith was weak. Now, we recognize God can work in anxiety, depression, or bipolar.
We risk normalizing it too much, saying, “It’s fine, live with it.” Your podcast helps people live with it in a way that honors God, welcoming His work.
Dave Quak: We should recognize it but not let it define our identity. Instead of saying, “I’m anxious,” say, “I’m a child of God who gets anxious.” That small shift affirms our identity in Christ.
Ralph Mayhew: Exactly. It’s like saying, “I have no foot,” not “I am no foot.” It’s part of life this side of eternity, not something to be ashamed of.
Dave Quak: I rarely hear people say medication is a lack of faith anymore. Do you?
Ralph Mayhew: No, and if they did, they wouldn’t get far. Medication was one rung on the ladder out of my depression pit. It’s not an elevator—you still climb—but it helps, alongside support, faith, and self-talk.
Spiritual Disciplines and Finding Joy
Dave Quak: What steps are you taking to enrich your spiritual life?
Ralph Mayhew: I love Lectio 365 for morning, midday, and evening prayers. Recently, after getting shingles from stress, I started using a stress tracker. Breathing exercises helped, but combining them with Lectio 365 dropped my stress significantly. I’m a poor creature of habit, so I fit spiritual disciplines like fasting, prayer, or Sabbath into my day’s flow, like taking a walk with Jesus. This accommodates the messiness of life and works better for me than rigid routines.
Ralph Mayhew: I grew up going to church with my mum. At a youth camp, I made a decision for Christ, and God met me. Something came alive—baptized by the Holy Spirit. Before, faith was about getting to heaven; after, a fire was lit for Jesus that’s never gone out. I see myself first as a forgiven child of God, then as a husband, dad, pastor, and friend. My relationship with Jesus drives everything.
Dave Quak: By God’s grace, you’re flourishing mentally and spiritually, loving Jesus. That’s a win.
Ralph Mayhew: Spiritual growth isn’t just Bible reading or prayer—it’s living for Jesus, especially when it’s hard. That’s the “meat” of faith.
Encouragement for Those in the Pit
Dave Quak: For those at the bottom of the pit, what’s your encouragement?
Ralph Mayhew: Find someone you trust who understands and be open to their challenge. Redefine what a win looks like—focus on what the gospel says, not worldly goals. Enjoy God in a way that’s just you and Him, like photography for me. That brings Sabbath, hope, and strength to break the cycle of struggle.
Dave Quak: Thanks to the Junction team in Burleigh for this studio. Ralph, can you pray for us?
Ralph Mayhew: Lord, thank You for this opportunity and Dave’s work with Sunburnt Souls. It brings hope, life, and faith. For those listening, may they know Your presence, open their hearts and creativity to You, and find hope in their future. Bless this podcast to reach more people and use Junction Studios for Your kingdom. Amen.
Dave Quak: Thanks for tuning in to this episode with Ralph Mayhew. Check out Ralph Mayhew Photography or Village Church in Burleigh. He’s got something real with God and a heart to equip people. Thank you for listening, and may God bless you this week.
