From Heroin to Restoration - Anthony Top
Introduction
Welcome to Sunburnt Souls — where we explore the intersection of life, faith, and mental well-being. I’m Dave Quak, and in this episode, I sit down with Anthony Topp — a geotechnical engineer who once lived through 13 years of heroin addiction, crime, and brokenness.
This isn’t just a story of hitting rock bottom. It’s a story of redemption — from addiction and jail cells to university degrees and Jesus.
Key Moments
🎓 Life Today: Faith, Engineering & Exhaustion
Anthony Topp now works as an engineer in Palm Beach, Queensland. Married and grinding through work, he shares the tension between success and exhaustion.
"Life just feels like a lot of work at the moment… but it's good work. It’s not who I used to be."
💉 Early Days: Drugs, Identity & Chaos
Raised without faith or supervision, Anthony started using drugs at 13. By 15, he was addicted to heroin and immersed in a world of crime and drug dealing.
“You build your identity from what you’re good at. And all I ever got praised for was getting into trouble.”
🩸 The Grip of Heroin
For over a decade, heroin dictated his every move. Funded by dealing, robbing, and desperation, it spiralled into what Anthony described as “hell on earth.”
🙏 The Turning Point
A former drug dealer-turned-Christian friend relentlessly pursued Anthony with love and faith. After arrests, homelessness, and broken family ties, Anthony finally entered Transformations, a 12-month Christian rehab.
"That season broke me. But it also healed me."
🧠 From Cold Turkey to University
After completing the program, Anthony pushed himself to study Year 11 & 12, then engineering. Despite setbacks, he earned a degree and now works on major construction projects.
💬 Identity in Christ
His identity is no longer tied to performance, failure, or addiction.
“I don’t have to prove myself anymore. God already says I’m enough.”
Anthony’s Advice for Anyone Struggling
Accept Jesus — invite Him into your story.
Cut off bad influences — your five closest friends matter.
Find faith community — church, rehab, or anywhere with healthy people.
Cling to hope — even crumbs of hope can grow into a feast.
Full Transcript
-
00;00;01;09 - 00;00;26;10
Dave Quak
Welcome to sunburnt Souls. I'm Dave Quak and on this show we explore life and faith and our mental well-being. As a pastor that struggles with mental illness, I get to chat to people like me, people that love Jesus and follow the way of Christ while dealing with the messiness and brokenness of life. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode.
00;00;26;13 - 00;00;28;28
Dave Quak
And I'm here with Anthony Top. Thanks for coming on top.
00;00;29;05 - 00;00;30;09
Anthony Topp
Its all good Man.
00;00;30;11 - 00;00;40;03
Dave Quak
It's good to see you, brother . Why don't you just tell us where you at in life? Married? Got married. What's your deal? What are you working as? You know. What's Anthony Top at the moment?
00;00;40;05 - 00;01;03;10
Anthony Topp
Well, I live in Palm Beach. Beautiful Palm Beach, married to, Lovely. What? Yeah. Life at the moment just seems like a lot of work. Just with work and trying to get it. Just trying to get a bit of church in on the way hands. But, yeah, just feels like if a feel tired, man. Yeah. Just work and and that takes its toll on me.
00;01;03;10 - 00;01;17;05
Anthony Topp
And I think I'm going through my own sort of. Yeah. Like a love hate relationship with work as well. Yeah. So but yeah I'm an engineer so geotechnical. So that's like, sciences.
00;01;17;07 - 00;01;20;04
Dave Quak
Is that, like, slopes with slope stability?
00;01;20;04 - 00;01;51;29
Anthony Topp
Yes. And, foundations. Yes. Soil. So soil testing, like drilling boreholes and investigating and sort of determining the strength of rock and soil or properties because. Yeah, soil does all sorts of weird stuff and project management, like we will sort of manage a project, we will go do 100, 200 boreholes. So say millions of dollars worth of work and then you got lots, you got subcontractors and then engineers and you trying to like manage all these moving pieces.
00;01;51;29 - 00;02;13;05
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And sort of been I've sort of just stepped out of team sort of team lead role. So it was just full on and so and it's just been, it's been busy in the construction industry, sort of civil. And we work in roads, bridges, highrises and stuff like that. And there's just been just been so much work.
00;02;13;05 - 00;02;14;11
Anthony Topp
So yeah, it's crazy.
00;02;14;16 - 00;02;25;06
Dave Quak
You guys aren't responsible for that. That place on the way to your house that's fallen down the hill. Are you told that you know any of the service station on the way on Cape McGrath, on the way to poly?
00;02;25;06 - 00;02;31;23
Anthony Topp
You lost a few? Yeah, there's a few things. Yeah. No, that's not us. We hope.
00;02;31;23 - 00;02;32;25
Dave Quak
No, no, no, we.
00;02;32;25 - 00;02;34;11
Anthony Topp
Don't do a lot of residential. Yeah.
00;02;34;11 - 00;02;35;17
Dave Quak
It's all the big commercial.
00;02;35;17 - 00;02;50;18
Anthony Topp
Yeah. It's it's just so messy. You have so many people your your your responsible to like, you know, do one house, another house, another house, another house is so much you do a lot of work to make a small amount of money kind of thing.
00;02;50;18 - 00;02;53;17
Dave Quak
So now the big, the big gigs would be good.
00;02;53;23 - 00;03;05;01
Anthony Topp
Get on a major, major road like we go light rail. Okay. Reconnect. And those things just like constant work and, gee, that's crazy.
00;03;05;04 - 00;03;13;00
Dave Quak
And the pressure of having, like, public timelines as well, you've got people on your back was in this time easier. It's it's when there's a public toll. More.
00;03;13;01 - 00;03;29;25
Anthony Topp
Yeah. When you're working on the like, state government sort of stuff. Okay. Yeah. It's it's actually a bit easier because it's a lot of profession is engineers running the that's their sort of that stuff. You're dealing with engineers and then so everyone sort of knows what's going on kind of thing. Yeah.
00;03;30;00 - 00;03;44;29
Dave Quak
So if for you, Toby, you've pulled off an engineering degree and now it's a grind. You're in a good company, which is a blessing. What life? Oh, no. It's hard. It's still living. The Australian dream, I guess. What, about ten years ago? 15 years ago for you. Tell me, what's your life like back?
00;03;45;06 - 00;03;50;23
Anthony Topp
Oh, yeah. It's different. Totally different story back then. Running a amok.
00;03;50;28 - 00;03;54;22
Dave Quak
So you didn't grow up around church culture or Christianity or anything?
00;03;54;25 - 00;04;05;01
Anthony Topp
No. Never went to church. I think I went to, like, a midnight mass on Christmas with my grandma when I was like six. So Aussie, Aussie young fella.
00;04;05;03 - 00;04;09;11
Dave Quak
Yeah. That's normally people's first introduction to church is a favor for grandma.
00;04;09;11 - 00;04;10;29
Anthony Topp
How is going on.
00;04;11;01 - 00;04;12;14
Dave Quak
In the middle of the night as well?
00;04;12;14 - 00;04;22;28
Anthony Topp
Highborn. Yeah. And then. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to be in bed, you know, but, Yeah, I grew up in Brazil, so. Yeah, my sister and I, we sort of went off. We were on a mark.
00;04;23;04 - 00;04;26;19
Dave Quak
Okay. We're a Brisbane in all sorts here. So I was a side.
00;04;26;19 - 00;04;34;01
Anthony Topp
Yeah. So I like West Side. All right. I'm not good. No. Like Kenmore. So it's not a bad area.
00;04;34;02 - 00;04;35;09
Dave Quak
Oh. Kendall's all right. Yeah.
00;04;35;11 - 00;04;39;23
Anthony Topp
It's not a bad area, but there was a heap. There still was a few scalawags. Get in there.
00;04;39;25 - 00;04;43;27
Dave Quak
Yeah, and sell eggs. Right. Every so lovely. Better things to steal in Kenmore.
00;04;44;02 - 00;04;59;11
Anthony Topp
You never see it. Yeah, yeah. It's, So I ended up obviously getting into drugs and that from quite a young age. Yes. I sort of started smoking weed, and I never really I was, I was against it for environment and then I wasn't.
00;04;59;11 - 00;05;00;06
Dave Quak
Okay.
00;05;00;09 - 00;05;20;17
Anthony Topp
You know what I mean? I think sort of 13 or 14 maybe first started smoking, weighed my mates from school, were getting into it and it was just went from that to strip speed. Speed was sort of the thing back then, I guess. Not not ice like you hear nowadays. Yeah.
00;05;20;17 - 00;05;22;24
Dave Quak
I hadn't been invented yet.
00;05;22;27 - 00;05;41;18
Anthony Topp
It's like a newer thing that, Yeah, like ex and then and and now I just go, I love drugs, man. Like it just took to it like a moth to a flame. I guess. And, got onto heroin and just ended up, like, completely out of control, you know, because I never got into it so young.
00;05;41;21 - 00;06;05;24
Anthony Topp
Yeah, I missed all that sort of formative years of life where you, like, get a job at Maccas and, like, you finish school and, you know, maybe get a trade or go go to uni. I was just like this young kid. It just, like, was hanging around like I was. I was bit of a bit of a scalawag and all my other mates were scalawag.
00;06;05;25 - 00;06;10;10
Anthony Topp
So we all sort of went, we all went down this path like it was.
00;06;10;13 - 00;06;10;21
Dave Quak
All of.
00;06;10;21 - 00;06;24;06
Anthony Topp
Us. Yeah. And man, like, was just got caught up in that. And that was, And it caused me a lot of it gives me a lot of pain, I guess.
00;06;24;08 - 00;06;49;29
Dave Quak
We we sat Anthony. So it helped. Like, was it a quick progression? You said it was fast from weed to the next to the next to the next. What would you say the biggest leap was from, say, weed to, speed? Or was it when it became needles, like, what was the biggest kind of, leap? Because I know I grew up in around drugs as well, and weed and LSD were really common.
00;06;50;00 - 00;07;08;12
Dave Quak
Yeah. And then also ecstasy. But then we all. So my little group stayed in that realm. We were all too scared to jump to needles or anything like that. Part of it was, Hells, we were at a party one day. It's funny, the things that you look back on and go, you know, that was a bit of a door close for me.
00;07;08;18 - 00;07;25;10
Dave Quak
And there was this guy at the party, and he was shooting up, and he went through his vein, and all this blood splattered all over the place. And I got a really weak stomach, like, I can't see needles, like, even with their own kids. When they got vaccinated, I had to wait out in the waiting room because I'm like, yes, you got to do this yourself.
00;07;25;10 - 00;07;37;13
Dave Quak
So for me, that was like, that was like when I thought, oh, this is too far for me. But what was it about that? Did it become appealing? Was it the feel? Was it the culture? What is it that took you to the furthest level?
00;07;37;18 - 00;08;07;22
Anthony Topp
So I've sort of unpacked this like the last couple of years, because I've been gone to see a counselor about it. Yeah. And, and just like looking into a lot of stuff because it's sort of like, you know, without doing, an assessment of my, my youth, I guess my upbringing, I could probably come to. I used to come to the conclusion that my upbringing wasn't too bad.
00;08;07;25 - 00;08;34;13
Anthony Topp
And I just went off the rails. The. I just got into driving and drugs bad and, you know, but, I think I've sort of started to realize, you know, I was a sort of mum and dad were quite often that I, I'm well, I think, they had sort of their own stuff going on in that marriage and just emotionally like, unavailable.
00;08;34;13 - 00;09;02;01
Anthony Topp
And we were sort of let left to our own devices. Different era to I think it was a lot more common about like literally no supervision from like the age of three kind of thing. So I got left at my grandmother's house when I was kid, and I were working that and sort of, just, you know, I sort of like she had, she was like a World War Two survivor.
00;09;02;01 - 00;09;12;01
Anthony Topp
Had arthritis all through her body and couldn't move. So, like, we would just, like, sneak out and not criticize was.
00;09;12;04 - 00;09;15;19
Dave Quak
Not the the most secure, bodyguard.
00;09;15;19 - 00;09;43;16
Anthony Topp
Really? So. And then so I had and I, like I was always getting into trouble, man. I just felt like I was always getting into trouble. And from that, I'd. You sort of build your identity out of what you're good at. You know what I mean? As a young fella or a young girl or whatever, like whether it's sport, academics, whether it's, you know, for girls, whether they're beautiful or whatever, they sort of somewhat get like attention out of it.
00;09;43;19 - 00;10;00;23
Anthony Topp
And then that sort of fulfills their self-worth to some extent. And I just found like the only attention I ever got was like getting in trouble. I actually. And so I had nothing like I never got taught I was good at anything except I knew I was good at getting into trouble. I ran with it, you know what I mean?
00;10;00;23 - 00;10;15;27
Anthony Topp
Like, I literally ran with it because that was like, it seems insane, you know, I like, but that was what I actually found, like, I was good at. And so I went to the full extent of, like, I, I'm just going to be this charm dealer. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
00;10;15;27 - 00;10;35;12
Dave Quak
And like, you made an admission before that. I don't think enough people who've used drugs admit, but you loved it like it is fun. It was addictive. If it wasn't fun. Yeah. Like, you know, and if it didn't have the immediate gratification and the, you know, the fleshly satisfaction.
00;10;35;16 - 00;10;35;27
Anthony Topp
Yeah.
00;10;36;03 - 00;10;46;26
Dave Quak
Like, you know, I'm not going to get addicted to a box of tomatoes because there's no fun eating tomato stealer. I mean, like, you get addicted to the things that release adrenaline and, you know.
00;10;46;28 - 00;10;55;07
Anthony Topp
It's like eating food or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Things that give you a dopamine hit or. Yeah. And drugs are like the, the apex. That's right. It's. Yeah.
00;10;55;07 - 00;11;00;08
Dave Quak
And you say you went full tilt into it. I didn't realize you dealt as well. Was that to fun being out.
00;11;00;08 - 00;11;24;12
Anthony Topp
Of was like well that was like my goal. That was sort of like my, my, my goal was to like my aspirations when I was in all of that was like, oh, I'll just become this big drug dealer. Yeah, and make all this money. Because I was kind of I've always kind of been business minded and, but I just man, like, I just couldn't my habit sort of.
00;11;24;14 - 00;11;35;04
Anthony Topp
I did all right at times, like con or I like, I'd get a bit of money, like ten, 20 grand or something. And then. But, like, I just used more drugs and I could sell kind of thing, and.
00;11;35;04 - 00;11;41;27
Dave Quak
Yeah. And I guess because the quantities are there because you're supposed to sell it, but because it's they had the temptations increased and just take it.
00;11;41;27 - 00;12;06;03
Anthony Topp
Oh yeah. Right. Yeah. You build up a tolerance. So yeah. So that was sort of that was I think that was that was it was like I'm this bad person really. I'm saying it kind of simply. But I was more like on the, you know, like on like the hectic criminal, like I was doing a lot of crime, steal and and stuff like that.
00;12;06;03 - 00;12;16;27
Anthony Topp
And then the drug deal and, and everyone looked up to me and thought I was fully hectic because all my mates were doing similar stuff. Yeah. So I was getting I was getting like praise.
00;12;16;27 - 00;12;17;26
Dave Quak
Yeah. And affirmation.
00;12;17;28 - 00;12;18;21
Anthony Topp
Wrong things.
00;12;18;24 - 00;12;38;09
Dave Quak
Yeah, yeah. No. And like you said, if you're looking at for something to build your identity on. Yeah, you know, the praise of people does have that. And people saying top is, you know, top is off the hook and there is a certain amount of satisfaction. Yeah. You know, we can glean from that. Yeah. Resonate man. Okay. So how long did you stay in that pattern Anthony.
00;12;38;09 - 00;12;46;08
Anthony Topp
How long is 1314 years man oh really? Yeah. The heroin addiction. So. Well 13 years of heroin addiction. Yeah.
00;12;46;11 - 00;12;46;24
Dave Quak
Wow.
00;12;46;24 - 00;13;02;04
Anthony Topp
I was addicted to heroin when I was 15. No, I, I got into a pretty young and there's a bunch of my mates in, in my, around my area, and we all dropped out of school in that. And then. Yeah, I mean, once you start taking that stuff, man, it sort of takes a grip you loss.
00;13;02;06 - 00;13;02;24
Dave Quak
00;13;02;26 - 00;13;03;25
Anthony Topp
Pretty quickly.
00;13;04;02 - 00;13;11;07
Dave Quak
So without dealing to fund it how else do you fund such an expensive habit. Like you mentioned stealing and stuff is that where it.
00;13;11;07 - 00;13;24;07
Anthony Topp
Ends up steal and breaking into houses robbing people. Yeah. Yeah. Doing all that sort of stuff and then you know like yeah it's on the Centrelink. So I at least had like doll which would get you through like a day or two.
00;13;24;10 - 00;13;25;00
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;13;25;03 - 00;13;30;05
Anthony Topp
You know, and then yeah. Just running amok.
00;13;30;07 - 00;13;37;25
Dave Quak
Might I've never used or bought heroin. So what are we talking in terms of a daily usage. Like how much funds? Heroin at.
00;13;38;01 - 00;13;51;09
Anthony Topp
Okay. So and back then. So this is sort of, like 92 eyes, 50 bucks you get, you stop me being sick. I don't know what it's like now.
00;13;51;11 - 00;13;55;29
Dave Quak
Okay? But CCTV stopped me being sick. But how much for, like, a night out with the boys?
00;13;56;01 - 00;14;17;24
Anthony Topp
Well, you wouldn't have no idea. But, like, he had, just two pins, man. Where are you getting your gear from? You know, if you. And it depends like it was seasonal, there was sort of like in the in early two days, there's a big drought of heroin, very like, I think a whole of Australia. And it was just like the, it was really went from really good quality, really low quality.
00;14;17;24 - 00;14;26;18
Anthony Topp
So you spend in 100, 200 bucks just to get high. And then that's sort of. Yeah. But like in the 90s in that 5000 bucks, you know. Okay. Yeah. You pretty.
00;14;26;18 - 00;14;28;26
Dave Quak
Stone. Yeah. Okay. So that adds up especially.
00;14;28;26 - 00;14;48;01
Anthony Topp
You know, half away. So yeah I'd say half a gram was sort of up for most of it. Like through the, through the sort of 2000. But also they got clean in 2010. So through that, you know, not to 2010, you know, I was probably 200 bucks. Yeah. I'd have to spend a couple hundred bucks. Yeah.
00;14;48;03 - 00;14;52;09
Dave Quak
Each time does that at all. And was that always needles Anthony. What is.
00;14;52;09 - 00;15;11;20
Anthony Topp
Yeah. Yeah. And then I got into doctor shopping as well. So trying to get like, well, I sort of got into the benzos, but like, finding people who had, like, back pain and stuff like that and also like trying to get their morphine and things like that. So that was another thing.
00;15;11;27 - 00;15;21;25
Dave Quak
So when you get a benzo, if you've been on heroin, is that disappointing or does it still have the same effect? I've had benzos when I've hurt my back in that and hour, I'll be like.
00;15;21;28 - 00;15;28;27
Anthony Topp
Pretty more for like anxiety, right? Right. If you got you anxious about some guy, the doctor, I'll give you Valium.
00;15;28;29 - 00;15;30;10
Dave Quak
Okay. So that's that family.
00;15;30;10 - 00;15;54;26
Anthony Topp
That's that family, right. Xanax. So I got on that Xanax. That was a thing. So the impending combination, they worked really well. So you take, Coppola Xanax, you know, take heroin. The common couple of Xanax. You know, mix it with alcohol, whatever. Mix it with other pot, whatever. You get more stoned kind of thing. So. But it was like, yeah, it's just all.
00;15;54;26 - 00;16;00;16
Anthony Topp
So I just it just became I'm trying to shut myself off, you know. Yeah.
00;16;00;19 - 00;16;13;04
Dave Quak
I mean, interesting timing. You know, 13 years ago is when you got off and you'd been on for 13 years, like 13 years is a decent season.
00;16;13;06 - 00;16;15;05
Anthony Topp
Yeah. These like. Yeah.
00;16;15;07 - 00;16;27;03
Dave Quak
That's giving it a good nudge. Like you all have experienced the highs and lows and all the intricacies and the nuances and all different seasons. I'm sure you've probably lost friends in the process.
00;16;27;05 - 00;16;34;15
Anthony Topp
Yeah. Dude, you know, you know, life's like me and you can have falling outs people and. Yeah, for sure.
00;16;34;17 - 00;16;47;04
Dave Quak
With that season, was it ever desire to get out or I know you entered the loving it but during that was it ever like, man this is starting to get long in the tooth like get sick of robbing people.
00;16;47;04 - 00;17;16;22
Anthony Topp
And 100% and that's in with my story. I just felt like I felt like I was in hell for probably a few years before, you know, like 070809. I was hell, man. Like I like my tolerance was so high that I wasn't even getting the bars that I wanted to get off the drugs, and that was just causing.
00;17;16;22 - 00;17;31;26
Anthony Topp
So much chaos in my life, you know, like, yeah, just become like, you know, I just lose. I, you know what I mean? Like, it was, but I was addicted and I didn't, and I and I just didn't think I could give up, you know what I mean?
00;17;31;26 - 00;17;32;17
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;17;32;19 - 00;17;34;07
Anthony Topp
But I hated it at the same time.
00;17;34;08 - 00;17;36;26
Dave Quak
Yeah. So it had gripped you. Yeah.
00;17;36;29 - 00;17;41;27
Anthony Topp
It's kind of like hell, man. Like, I just imagine that's what hell would be like to some extent.
00;17;41;27 - 00;17;46;00
Dave Quak
Like in the pavement and. And you wake up in the days there again so much.
00;17;46;03 - 00;17;48;14
Anthony Topp
Yeah. When you get it, it doesn't even do anything.
00;17;48;14 - 00;17;49;19
Dave Quak
Doesn't satisfy the.
00;17;49;22 - 00;18;12;05
Anthony Topp
Pain and all the stuff you have to do to get it. Yeah. And all the chaos and. Yeah, you know, just been like, yeah, just, outcast, you know, because I bent so many bridges and I was just, you know, I'm just. Yeah, just become a scumbag, you know what I mean? Really, like, probably the best way to put it and.
00;18;12;07 - 00;18;40;13
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And so I had that, which was good, I think was a good sort of, you know, leading up to me getting clean, like, I just wasn't enjoying it, okay, I did that, was it. I hadn't had a long enough period of just being going through hell, really, every day that when I finally got it out of my system and the withdrawals went away and that, was like, man, I don't.
00;18;40;16 - 00;18;42;17
Anthony Topp
So I don't want to go back to that.
00;18;42;18 - 00;18;43;06
Dave Quak
Yeah, well.
00;18;43;07 - 00;18;44;27
Anthony Topp
Like, I couldn't think of anything worse.
00;18;44;28 - 00;18;47;00
Dave Quak
Really. Okay. So yeah, hell was so bad.
00;18;47;03 - 00;19;00;14
Anthony Topp
So that's like literally what I think of when it's like, no matter how much pain I'm in and that I know, I think of like, oh, I could go do this or go do that. I'd rather be in old pain, you know what I mean? Like bro.
00;19;00;14 - 00;19;13;22
Dave Quak
So tell us about that. So you, you know, you started to have a disdain for the life and the desire to become clean, but that's easier said than done, you know, like getting off heroin is no easy feat. After a decade and a bit, how did that process begin for you?
00;19;13;29 - 00;19;36;15
Anthony Topp
Well, the the thing that really excel or I did it was, there's a, there's a few things that were leading up. I had a my who used to be my drug heroine do when I was 15 and he, he went to jail in when he was in jail. He, he grew up in church.
00;19;36;16 - 00;19;36;26
Dave Quak
Okay.
00;19;36;29 - 00;19;55;20
Anthony Topp
So he repented man because he was one of those hectic people I knew he was like the biggest a is. He was for the real deal, you know what I mean? Like he was a real deal. Like speed, coke, heroin deal. Had massive drug habit, like thousands of dollars a day job.
00;19;55;23 - 00;19;56;18
Dave Quak
Yeah, like.
00;19;56;21 - 00;20;18;02
Anthony Topp
And he got, like, he did end up doing three, four years for coke and spade. In that time, he became a Christian. Come in. And when he got out of jail, I was like, because I was sort of at that stage, I was sort of, trying to get like, I had a bit of cash, and I wanted him to want to cook this spade.
00;20;18;02 - 00;20;41;05
Anthony Topp
Right. Make more money. This is like how my brain worked back then. And he was like, nah, man. Like, I'm off. I'm like, gone to church now and and he's like, Jesus. It's like, set me free. And I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. You know, like cool man. Like that. That's cool. But he was he was uncorrupted from that point.
00;20;41;05 - 00;20;41;15
Anthony Topp
Yep.
00;20;41;15 - 00;20;42;24
Dave Quak
So he would enable things.
00;20;42;24 - 00;20;52;18
Anthony Topp
Yeah. He had a massive he had a he was like legit. It wasn't like, you know, I'd march a couple of times and he was, I'd a lot a deal on.
00;20;52;20 - 00;20;52;26
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;20;52;26 - 00;21;03;28
Anthony Topp
Yeah. It's like he was. Yeah. He was like someone I knew. Well yeah. And so I was, I was like, you know what I mean? Like, what.
00;21;03;28 - 00;21;04;17
Dave Quak
Did he tell.
00;21;04;19 - 00;21;06;14
Anthony Topp
You previously, especially.
00;21;06;14 - 00;21;08;17
Dave Quak
Because you didn't grow up hearing that sort of stuff.
00;21;08;18 - 00;21;30;27
Anthony Topp
You know. And so and so he would evangelize like I'd catch up with him every now and then, but he was legit, like going to church. Had, started a young family, got the missus getting married, getting his life back on track. We'd catch up and he'd always preach to me as I do, you know, because he'd be like, two.
00;21;30;27 - 00;21;47;05
Anthony Topp
What are you doing myself? And I'd be like, I want to, you know, like, I'd be like, I want to get off this. I'm sick of being addicted in that, because I was in that. I was in that phase. I was just talking about, you need to give your life to the Lord, and he'll sort all that stuff out.
00;21;47;08 - 00;22;13;05
Anthony Topp
And so he'd take me to church and, like, I'd go to him when I was just fed up. And he was always, always had an open door, you know? Yeah. And I was like, this ratty junky, you know what I mean? Smoking walks with rats, towels and yeah, Farrell, you know, probably had a and every two days or whatever, you know, I just cries and he take me to church and then take me out for lunch.
00;22;13;05 - 00;22;30;23
Anthony Topp
And just whenever I had all this stuff going on, he was like, there for me. But that went on for a few years, right? I just was I'd go there and then I'd be like, no, like I'd try and get clean at his house and then I'd go back and it was sort of this, this battle, you know what I mean?
00;22;30;23 - 00;22;52;28
Anthony Topp
And, that was going on in the background and then Mom and dad otherwise like that always sort of battle and let me move back into their house when, when like, you know, something that it was always some drama going on and they, they got, they just got fed up with it. They kind of enabled me a lot through my, through my addiction.
00;22;52;28 - 00;23;10;27
Anthony Topp
Like just, you know, and I don't think that helped. And then I would just, like, cut all ties with me and, like, got, like, call the place, got diva orders and stuff and so I couldn't even go around the house and every time, like, so there was a period when I go to that house said, called a place on me.
00;23;10;29 - 00;23;31;03
Anthony Topp
And I just really like drew, like certain boundaries. So, like, I didn't have that plan, although I never wanted to go back there, I sort of my, my lifestyle forced me into it. And so that that sort of common that all come to a head where I try to go back to the house. They called the place on me.
00;23;31;03 - 00;23;51;04
Anthony Topp
They did twice in a row, so I like I ended up in the watch house like twice in like a few days. Yeah, kind of thing. And, like, with the plate getting bashed by place or whatever. And then ended up in the watch house gone client called Turkey, you know, because I didn't have anything. Yeah. And so on.
00;23;51;04 - 00;24;16;18
Anthony Topp
Withdrawal and, and and the second time was like looking like I'd go on remand kind of thing because I was getting I was always getting into trouble for staff. And so I was in the Roma Street Watch house, and I'm thinking all that and they're not going to give me bail. And I rang my mate and I was like, because the lawyer's like, oh, you need to get bailed to an address.
00;24;16;20 - 00;24;18;20
Anthony Topp
You can't just get bailed on your own.
00;24;18;20 - 00;24;19;06
Dave Quak
Okay?
00;24;19;06 - 00;24;34;21
Anthony Topp
You know what I mean? You kind of get banned on your own. You need to actually have an address. And I didn't have mum dad's name, and so I rang my mate and he's like, come into court, you know, didn't like he was getting on it. He wasn't doing all that stuff anymore. He's come to court and he's like, yeah, you're on.
00;24;34;22 - 00;24;54;19
Anthony Topp
I'll let him get back to my house. And then I got bailed to his house and he was like, dude, you need to go to rehab. And he was like, you can stay here, get clean like detox. But as soon as you detox, I'm taking you down to this Christian rehab. You you you got to going there, dude.
00;24;54;19 - 00;24;57;01
Anthony Topp
I'm not going to like you. That's where you go to go. Yeah.
00;24;57;03 - 00;24;59;23
Dave Quak
So we kind of had options. Hey.
00;24;59;25 - 00;25;09;15
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And I was like, but I, I overdosed few years of him taking me to church and stuff. I'd start like, I'm trying to explain a lot of stuff, you know, it's it's hard.
00;25;09;17 - 00;25;12;17
Dave Quak
Yeah. It's a lot of a story to and context.
00;25;12;17 - 00;25;25;11
Anthony Topp
So. But like, I developed the faith. Yeah. Because I how I had him being I'd seen his journey, you know what I mean? I knew like it was it was real. Like I, it was hard to deny where he was.
00;25;25;13 - 00;25;27;24
Dave Quak
And the fruit of his lies come from.
00;25;27;24 - 00;25;56;10
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And he was worse than I was, you know what I mean? And then and then, like, I started to believe in God and Jesus. And so I started to have the I was praying and I think, you know what? I was praying for God to, like, set me free from it. But what God was doing, I believe, when I look back is he's just shutting every door I had that was like a that kept me going in that lifestyle.
00;25;56;17 - 00;26;17;07
Anthony Topp
Yeah, yeah. And so I ended up in, he was like, because he is Christian. And that is he knew about transformations. And he's like, this is like a Christian discipleship. You pray every day, you go to church. They help you like, get, you know, get back on track. And he so he took me down to transformations at, Monaco Street.
00;26;17;07 - 00;26;21;06
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And so I did all the is set. I was so sick, man. I was like.
00;26;21;12 - 00;26;22;28
Dave Quak
So you were still withdrawing at that time.
00;26;23;01 - 00;26;47;05
Anthony Topp
Dude. Like it was like I was so sick, right? It was like. And that that that journey even just getting off all the stuff I was on was like the most painful thing. All right. Yeah, I heard it's horrendous. And so I had this go on called Turkey off like a lot. I had a lot of stuff in my system.
00;26;47;08 - 00;26;53;14
Anthony Topp
So it was it was months, you know, it took months for us to stop having withdrawal symptoms.
00;26;53;14 - 00;26;57;10
Dave Quak
But and you wouldn't be able to do like a methadone program or anything because it's not.
00;26;57;10 - 00;27;14;11
Anthony Topp
So I, I'd come off the methadone. So this, this is the journey. Like I was on all that and then I got onto this buprenorphine and I was taking that and then like and then I just went cold Turkey is quite a decent dose.
00;27;14;14 - 00;27;15;11
Dave Quak
That's intense.
00;27;15;11 - 00;27;19;11
Anthony Topp
Like full Pentecostal. Right. And top of.
00;27;19;13 - 00;27;19;16
Dave Quak
It.
00;27;19;16 - 00;27;40;15
Anthony Topp
And just like slaving out on the track, which is like, I nearly died, dude. Like I ended up in hospital, having seizures and stuff just from the drug as well. And so, and so it was like this. It was hell. Yeah. Like. And so that's the other one. I was sort of saying, I don't when I look back like I was gone, went to hell.
00;27;40;15 - 00;27;44;13
Anthony Topp
Like, yeah, that was like the icing on the cake, you know, I mean yeah.
00;27;44;13 - 00;27;45;15
Dave Quak
That's like yeah.
00;27;45;18 - 00;28;05;08
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And so once I got that like once I sort of got a few months in to being like drug free, I was like, man, I can't, I can't, I don't think I could. Like if I ever went back to that, I don't think I'd ever be able to do it again. You know, I don't think I'd ever be able to give up again.
00;28;05;08 - 00;28;07;00
Anthony Topp
Like, I don't think I could do it again.
00;28;07;01 - 00;28;07;18
Dave Quak
Go through that.
00;28;07;19 - 00;28;07;29
Anthony Topp
00;28;08;01 - 00;28;08;11
Dave Quak
You know.
00;28;08;12 - 00;28;09;25
Anthony Topp
Yeah, yeah.
00;28;09;28 - 00;28;14;21
Dave Quak
Wow. Well, I say in the disability program. How long did that go for?
00;28;14;24 - 00;28;17;26
Anthony Topp
So transformations is 12 months program.
00;28;17;28 - 00;28;21;17
Dave Quak
Okay. Minimum 12 months. That's pretty intense.
00;28;21;17 - 00;28;51;16
Anthony Topp
So it's it's minimum. So there's a there's a curriculum and there's rules and there's expectations of you know, you can't just go in there and remain unchanged for 12 months. And then that you know, like they sets they set bars, you know, it's like it's a small bar. And then then you got to jump over a higher bar and a higher bar in terms of how your, I guess, guy on your journey, it's like the rehabilitation aspect of it.
00;28;51;19 - 00;28;56;29
Anthony Topp
So it's a 12 month minimum and I did it in 13 months.
00;28;57;05 - 00;29;09;02
Dave Quak
So that's pretty amazing. Yeah. So they've got curriculum as in things to overcome, hurdles and stuff. But then there's the faith element as well as well. You mentioned before there's that. Yeah there's lots of prayer meetings in church.
00;29;09;02 - 00;29;36;25
Anthony Topp
And yeah. So it's based out of you know, well I guess the Bible would say is, you know, I guess a man or a woman or God would do, you know what I mean? So it's faith based, which is, you know, it's just but it's, it's good old fashioned manners and, you know, really, if you boil it all down like, that's pretty much you can say it's biblical, but like, you know, it's good old fashioned men.
00;29;36;25 - 00;29;44;26
Anthony Topp
It's like respecting people, not getting angry and losing it at people and, telling the truth, you know, being reliable.
00;29;44;28 - 00;29;47;12
Dave Quak
Okay. Just like character formation style.
00;29;47;16 - 00;29;48;04
Anthony Topp
Sort of stuff.
00;29;48;04 - 00;29;57;19
Dave Quak
You know? That's cool. Well, I guess if you in living like that for 13 years, a lot of those, you know, habits might have been lost along the way. Yeah. You know.
00;29;57;23 - 00;29;58;18
Anthony Topp
Oh.
00;29;58;21 - 00;30;04;18
Dave Quak
Like I can imagine there's big rules on stealing each other stuff or any of that. Even ciggies or. Yeah, any.
00;30;04;18 - 00;30;13;28
Anthony Topp
Of that deal. Yeah. That's like a, that's a, that's an instant. Like you'll get you'll get evicted out of the program. Yeah. Stealing.
00;30;14;00 - 00;30;22;02
Dave Quak
Yeah. Because it's not just the act of stealing, but it's also triggering past actions, I guess, and reliving who you were, not who you guess.
00;30;22;02 - 00;30;25;28
Anthony Topp
Yeah. You're not getting rehabilitated. You still continue on in that stuff.
00;30;25;28 - 00;30;31;05
Dave Quak
So did you get any evictions? Like, did you guys say my straight first guy.
00;30;31;07 - 00;30;54;07
Anthony Topp
I did, so so you got four stages and so you get level up to stage every three months if you've done the curriculum. So there's, you got to read books, you got to write report says, okay, there's certain there's certain things you need to do. Like there's there's learning courses and things like that. And so I got set back a couple a month.
00;30;54;13 - 00;30;55;05
Dave Quak
Okay. So yeah.
00;30;55;07 - 00;30;55;26
Anthony Topp
So a month.
00;30;55;26 - 00;30;58;06
Dave Quak
Yeah. Was not okay. Yeah. Yeah.
00;30;58;08 - 00;31;02;26
Anthony Topp
So let's go back a month, which is not too bad. It's not too bad or.
00;31;02;28 - 00;31;15;06
Dave Quak
No, that's actually really that's actually quite miraculous. And I mean, even the environments conducive to pressure, like a bunch of men in one house, you know. Oh, from different.
00;31;15;06 - 00;31;15;25
Anthony Topp
Rates, man.
00;31;15;25 - 00;31;20;01
Dave Quak
Yeah. Oh, is it primarily people who were living on the streets or addiction?
00;31;20;03 - 00;31;23;01
Anthony Topp
Yeah. I mean, I say that I say that more like,
00;31;23;04 - 00;31;25;09
Dave Quak
No, but but living the life like. Which is.
00;31;25;09 - 00;31;32;06
Anthony Topp
Just just. Yeah. Go my sleep like dogs. Yeah.
00;31;32;08 - 00;31;38;28
Dave Quak
So I imagine there's guys like yourself who are successful and guys 18 months and other guys who lost 16 minutes and they are out the door.
00;31;39;00 - 00;31;40;05
Anthony Topp
Literally. Yeah.
00;31;40;05 - 00;31;43;10
Dave Quak
Because that's really kind of make or break, right.
00;31;43;10 - 00;31;48;22
Anthony Topp
Maybe, you know, some guys do a few hours, some guys a lot of guys do a night.
00;31;48;24 - 00;31;49;07
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;31;49;08 - 00;31;50;23
Anthony Topp
You know a few days.
00;31;50;26 - 00;31;51;19
Dave Quak
Yeah, yeah.
00;31;51;22 - 00;31;53;07
Anthony Topp
Few months.
00;31;53;09 - 00;32;10;12
Dave Quak
I guess the desire for change has to be so great. Hey, like, you know, you mentioned it was hell. I think in order to change, we've got to hate our past circumstance enough to leave it all. Love the future. Enough to change what we're in at the moment. You know, you got to have a bigger desire for the future.
00;32;10;15 - 00;32;12;04
Dave Quak
Great disdain for the past.
00;32;12;05 - 00;32;17;20
Anthony Topp
I think so, yeah, I think that's the biggest motivation. Yeah. I mean.
00;32;17;22 - 00;32;37;14
Dave Quak
I think it's amazing to just seeing God's hand chasing you through this to. Yeah, topic like heaven. That that person, whoever he is, God bless them. You know, someone who can keep pitching up to their friend for two years and still let him sleep on the couch and keep Chase and then eventually pull him out of prison and put the hard wood on.
00;32;37;14 - 00;32;42;02
Dave Quak
Mate, this is the end for you, you know. It's time to get off. Yeah, it's time to go.
00;32;42;04 - 00;32;47;20
Anthony Topp
Yeah, yeah. Still still speak to him to this day, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Messaged me the other night.
00;32;47;20 - 00;32;53;29
Dave Quak
Yeah. He's on the Christmas card list, that's for sure. And so. Okay, so you finished the program. What happens for you then?
00;32;54;01 - 00;33;19;06
Anthony Topp
I really, didn't know what I was doing was with my life at that stage. I sort of spent, you know, that 13 months, just trying to get through to that program. You know, it was really hard and a sort of, finished up there. And then it was. I just wanted to get out of there. It was like some people don't have.
00;33;19;09 - 00;33;42;02
Anthony Topp
I was like, so I over by time that, just in all honesty, like, I, I, I wanted to get away from it. I just wanted a break. I wanted freedom because there's so many there's so many rules. And, like, they had to be that way because it was like, we, you know, we said we'd try and extort every little bit.
00;33;42;02 - 00;33;44;02
Anthony Topp
You'd give us an inch, we would take them all the.
00;33;44;02 - 00;33;45;12
Dave Quak
Loopholes every way, and.
00;33;45;12 - 00;34;08;12
Anthony Topp
Each, you know, that it's, it's like is no inches and that. But I doing that for 30 months gets on the net, you know what I mean? So I just wanted to, like, get out. So I think I, a guy from our church that I was gone to so is attached to a one of the local churches and guy from our church had a place in our rented a room.
00;34;08;18 - 00;34;28;04
Anthony Topp
Oh, nice. And so and then I was renting with another guy who was ex transformations and, hey, I lived with him for a bit, but he, he sort of was doing my head in a little bit, and I and I don't I was, I didn't have a car like, I didn't have a license or anything like that.
00;34;28;06 - 00;34;33;12
Anthony Topp
And, ended up moving in with Sammy and. Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. So yeah, he's.
00;34;33;12 - 00;34;34;07
Dave Quak
A great guy.
00;34;34;10 - 00;34;53;25
Anthony Topp
And so I was just trying, I guess. Yeah, I was, I was started living with people from church who are good people, you know what I mean? And share housing. And I, I needed to find I was looking for what to do for, the next is kind of a weird period. I just felt like I'd. I had to do some.
00;34;53;25 - 00;35;20;07
Anthony Topp
You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't just stagnate. Yeah, yeah. So it was like, I, I do I get a job or do I go to school or what do I do? I need to, I need to build something, you know, and, yeah, I ended up working for a guy from our church, who had an engineering company, and I was like, I had no work skills.
00;35;20;09 - 00;35;22;25
Anthony Topp
Like, I dropped out of school year nine.
00;35;22;26 - 00;35;26;05
Dave Quak
That's right. And he'd been on the gear since just 13. 15.
00;35;26;05 - 00;35;39;14
Anthony Topp
Yeah. No. And and I had to do use computers or anything like that. Literally could write like a page of writing and there'd be like one full stop at the end.
00;35;39;16 - 00;35;41;10
Dave Quak
At least your pencils lasted a long time.
00;35;41;10 - 00;35;46;02
Anthony Topp
I think my spelling wasn't too bad, but like, you know, there was no punctuation.
00;35;46;02 - 00;35;46;23
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;35;46;25 - 00;36;04;01
Anthony Topp
Yeah. So I was he was like, God bless you really gave me a star. You know what I needed? And, I was doing that, and I was like, he ended up letting me go because I was probably, like, one of the worst workers he's ever had.
00;36;04;03 - 00;36;05;07
Dave Quak
No resentment there when.
00;36;05;07 - 00;36;26;15
Anthony Topp
I go company. Yeah, like fairly like. Yeah. It's, but, that, that was a, that sort of hurt, you know what I mean? So I was like, I need to, like, I need to upskill here, you know what I mean? I like the job because I was like, for for someone coming from where I was to I was like, dressing up, going to work, and it's made me feel.
00;36;26;20 - 00;36;50;27
Anthony Topp
And I was like, contributing to society. And it was like coming from being this rat bag who had just been told his whole life that he's a rat bag as well. I was like, oh, I'm, I'm working in engineering office. And that sort of gave me a little bit of self confidence, to be honest. And so I just was like, and then that this I guess getting, you know, let go because you suck.
00;36;50;27 - 00;37;14;07
Anthony Topp
You know what I mean? It was like a motivating factor in me being like, oh, I'm going to go back to school and like and so I think I'll do like engineering and I sort of went back and did year 11 and 12 and I did all the maths and physics subjects, and I sort of like was seeing the like career guidance counselors and, and just they told me the path I needed to follow.
00;37;14;07 - 00;37;27;15
Anthony Topp
And I just started like putting one foot in front of the other. And I worked I worked my butt off, man. You know, like had that and sort of, you know, that was a journey and sales like five, six years of study.
00;37;27;15 - 00;37;28;02
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;37;28;03 - 00;37;47;04
Anthony Topp
But, ended up ended up I loved it, dude. I loved going to uni. I felt like I'm like, like I was reliving probably what I should. I should have lived when I was younger. Yeah. And I missed all that. And, and I just was like. I was just dogmatic about it, you know what I mean?
00;37;47;04 - 00;37;59;01
Anthony Topp
Like, I was, I was like, all sitting like, I'm going to study six hours and today and then and I just kept going to be like, I'm going to study seven, eight hours, nine hours. And I just keep, like pushing myself.
00;37;59;03 - 00;37;59;12
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;37;59;17 - 00;38;16;27
Anthony Topp
To see how. And it was like, literally I just need to sit down since for now it started out like that. I need to sit down for half an hour and like, read or try and learn something. And I got it up to like, dude, I can sit down and go to work. I can sit down and work for ten hours straight, dude.
00;38;16;28 - 00;38;18;25
Anthony Topp
Now. Yeah.
00;38;18;28 - 00;38;21;07
Dave Quak
Anthony, that's actually so miraculous.
00;38;21;11 - 00;38;21;25
Anthony Topp
Yeah.
00;38;22;00 - 00;38;43;20
Dave Quak
You know, there's something that has been forged in you that knows how to push through adversity. You know, it's starting, I mean, with a lot of things in your life. But the transformation house, you know, like adhering to the script for 13 months and then, you know, going back to study and seeing the big picture and getting through that engineering's hard, other engineers in my family, they're all smart cookies.
00;38;43;20 - 00;38;52;07
Dave Quak
And yeah, it's not an easy degree. It's not an easy field. And now you're working in one of the biggest firms on the coast. What's good?
00;38;52;07 - 00;39;27;21
Anthony Topp
Man, I, yeah. I, I think you know what I think because I look back at that and I probably, like, I have that addictive nature. Right. So I could apply that to something positive, you know what I mean? And then just like, which is like work and things like that. And then I found like a, you know, and it's all like and all I've sort of reflected on this sort of in like the last couple of years, there was all that insecurity and stuff driving me as well.
00;39;27;21 - 00;39;55;03
Anthony Topp
So I just was trying to prove myself, you know what I mean? Whereas I'd always try to prove myself in the wrong, in the wrong areas, you know what I mean? Like how bad I could be. I started to apply that to trying to prove myself and how good I could be. And it it worked. But I've sort of learned, like the motivation behind all that is like just allowing like God to like me.
00;39;55;03 - 00;40;19;24
Anthony Topp
The rest that I'm all right how I am. Yeah. Without all the whatever it is, you know? Yeah, I don't have to because I was and also like, because of my background, I was always like, I need to do really well on this test because that if they knew who I was, then you must story they would reject me.
00;40;19;24 - 00;40;29;11
Anthony Topp
Or, you know, we don't want to have bar me so that there was that motivation as well, which was it's a lot of pressure to live like I put on myself, to be honest.
00;40;29;12 - 00;40;30;19
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;40;30;21 - 00;40;55;16
Anthony Topp
And I think a lot of people who do accomplish things that are hard to do, whether it's like sport or whatever, there is some level of insecurity that that drives us to do it. You know, like if you go, you know, you look at guys who probably really good cricketers, there's probably a point in their childhood where they lost and they, you know, a game or whatever.
00;40;55;16 - 00;41;18;04
Anthony Topp
And it just didn't sit with them. Well, and and whether and you know, I reckon that's probably just like a broken identity in some sort, like it's kind of like, you know, if you, you the pain of losing was that bad because it touched on something in your own, like inner child or whatever, that it pushed you to work so hard to never lose kind of thing.
00;41;18;04 - 00;41;26;10
Anthony Topp
And, and that that's I don't think that's it looks good in the world and myself.
00;41;26;13 - 00;41;26;27
Dave Quak
00;41;26;29 - 00;41;50;14
Anthony Topp
Internally it's like just learning to to accept yourself, no matter whether you're performing or you're not performing kind of thing and just trying to like, yeah, that's been the sort of journey I've been on as I could. I don't need to, I want to do I want to push myself because I actually want to do this, because I actually want to do well at it.
00;41;50;14 - 00;42;02;23
Anthony Topp
It's not out of some insecurity or whatever, but if I don't do well, I'll look like, you know, a failure or whatever. Yeah, it's more like I want to work hard because I actually want to do well at.
00;42;02;23 - 00;42;03;24
Dave Quak
This, because you want to like.
00;42;03;29 - 00;42;06;10
Anthony Topp
You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Yeah.
00;42;06;12 - 00;42;17;00
Dave Quak
And because your identity is not wrapped up in it now, you know, your identity was wrapped up in a wrapped bag, then wrapped up in something else, something. And now you're because it's wrapped up in Christ.
00;42;17;02 - 00;42;18;02
Anthony Topp
Yeah, right.
00;42;18;02 - 00;42;21;24
Dave Quak
There's nothing you need to do or not do. Isn't that just such a.
00;42;21;28 - 00;42;23;09
Anthony Topp
Great thing that grab a.
00;42;23;09 - 00;42;43;05
Dave Quak
Hold of. Yeah. It takes time in the spirit to. Yeah, really lit. And I can imagine even more so with someone with your past like that news where you're absolutely loved, irrespective of all of that stuff that your identity is some that's so huge, it takes time to marinate.
00;42;43;11 - 00;43;10;22
Anthony Topp
That's that's part of what I think the Lord sort of offers us when we're coming out of some kind of, sort of from my background is it's like I always have these moments where I just feel overwhelmed and, and, and I could or, you know, I just be like, praying to God, like to help me through. But it was always just like resting in, you know, his grace is sufficient for me and that he he loves me.
00;43;10;22 - 00;43;34;04
Anthony Topp
And it doesn't really matter. All this stuff that I think matters so much doesn't really matter because like, and that he gives you the opportunity and he will actually make a way for you to have a new life where it's like the world tells you there's no way. Yeah, you deserve an opportunity. You know what I mean? You don't deserve an opportunity.
00;43;34;04 - 00;43;53;02
Anthony Topp
Whereas, like Jesus is like, you know, he he brings you back to life, man. He gives you he opens doors. And it's like that hope and that faith that, you know, he's gonna sort of despite what I've done in my past, he's gonna he's he's got a better life. And then he's gonna give me opportunities and things like that.
00;43;53;02 - 00;44;03;23
Anthony Topp
Yeah. I that's, I didn't have that. It would have been very difficult to do to even put my take that step forward to go down that path, you know. Yeah.
00;44;03;25 - 00;44;05;11
Dave Quak
You know, it's a redemption story.
00;44;05;11 - 00;44;05;26
Anthony Topp
Yeah.
00;44;05;28 - 00;44;22;21
Dave Quak
You know, like you just said I was dead. Now I'm alive. It's it's not like from bad to good. It's from dead to alive, you know, that's the that's the gospel. It's not a behavior modification program. It's it's, a life transformation, like, literally from hell to heaven.
00;44;22;24 - 00;44;38;29
Anthony Topp
Yeah. And you see it. You see, you see, you know, just being involved with the transformations program. You see it? Yeah. You see so many guys and I tell them this and they like all I got, you know, I'll speak to them and and I share my eyes, you know, like don't worry man.
00;44;38;29 - 00;44;40;03
Dave Quak
Like, yeah.
00;44;40;05 - 00;44;52;12
Anthony Topp
It's all going to work itself out. You know what I mean? Everyone will feel like, you know, there's no there's no hope for them. Yeah. And then you see him grab a hold of that. And God does amazing things in their life, you know.
00;44;52;15 - 00;45;02;00
Dave Quak
Yeah. It's great to see you light up when you talk about those fellas too, because you can see you got a heart for them and you got faith for them to be changed. Just, you know, sometimes people write them off.
00;45;02;03 - 00;45;11;01
Anthony Topp
Yeah. Oh, dude. Like, yeah, that's these guys. There's so many guys who've just come from you. Just. It's just amazing, man. Yeah, yeah.
00;45;11;01 - 00;45;16;02
Dave Quak
He's God still just in the. Yeah. In the business of calling these children home. Hey.
00;45;16;04 - 00;45;24;10
Anthony Topp
Whether you don't believe in God or you think it's all a big scam or whatever, you can't deny when you see that.
00;45;24;12 - 00;45;26;05
Dave Quak
Yeah. When you see someone's life change.
00;45;26;05 - 00;45;26;23
Anthony Topp
I mean.
00;45;26;25 - 00;45;47;04
Dave Quak
What what would you say to anyone, like, who's in that life at the moment? Anthony. Like it takes some for you. It took a lot of factors. God behind all those factors, I would say like if someone's still in it and they're listening to this, maybe they're your friend and they listening because they're like, oh, toppy Sharon or whatever.
00;45;47;04 - 00;45;51;25
Dave Quak
What would you say to them about God's hope for them now and and what to do next?
00;45;51;27 - 00;46;14;18
Anthony Topp
You need to accept Jesus and sort of make room for him to move in your life. And it's it takes some times, a little bit of, you know, I'll do whatever it takes kind of mentality. But once you get to that point and you're like, Lord, I need you to help me, I'll do whatever you want me to do.
00;46;14;20 - 00;46;20;02
Anthony Topp
Then it's it's a matter of, I think, getting rid of bad influences.
00;46;20;08 - 00;46;24;07
Dave Quak
Yeah. Okay. So surrounding yourself with a few different people, maybe an idea.
00;46;24;07 - 00;46;49;20
Anthony Topp
Yeah. Average. This is a key thing. You're the average of the five closest people to you. Right. So it's you need to be if you are hanging around people who are up to no good. I've been to change. It's going to be very difficult for you because you're just going to fade off all their stuff. So you need to you need to find people who are good influence, whether that's in a rehab church.
00;46;49;23 - 00;47;10;20
Anthony Topp
Yeah. You don't want to do any of that stuff. Go to church and go out of your way to connect with people there and just trust it. Like I think, I think hope is the key. You need to know that the even if you don't believe it, you need to have faith to just see that you do have a future.
00;47;10;22 - 00;47;14;02
Anthony Topp
Yeah, there's somethings the future is possible.
00;47;14;04 - 00;47;14;25
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;47;14;28 - 00;47;40;01
Anthony Topp
And it's usually and even just that, that little. All right I trust God I trust that you're going to make this work out. I'll be happy for crumbs because I feel like that's what I was I feel like I take crumbs, I just be happy not to be on the on the gig, you know, just be clean and not be, you know, in to that.
00;47;40;03 - 00;47;55;27
Anthony Topp
That was that was what I was hoping for in life in the beginning. But that little bit of hope, like God used that and he gave me, you know, like he gave me so much more than what I was would have, you know, sat for, I guess.
00;47;55;27 - 00;48;00;25
Dave Quak
Yeah. Yeah. Like you would have been satisfied with crumbs. And instead he rips out the banquet. Yeah.
00;48;00;25 - 00;48;21;17
Anthony Topp
Like I was in commission or whatever. Just on the dole, but, like, free from addiction. That was probably, like, all I, I hoped for in the beginning. That was epic. That was, like, so much better than where I was at little by little, man. Like. And just need people around you to give you encouragement.
00;48;21;22 - 00;48;22;18
Dave Quak
Yeah.
00;48;22;20 - 00;48;23;07
Anthony Topp
Yeah.
00;48;23;09 - 00;48;46;14
Dave Quak
Now. Absolutely. Anthony, this has been amazing, Chad, and I really appreciate you sharing your story. In a moment, I'm going to get you to pray for us in the listeners, if that's cool. But I just want to encourage anyone who's listening. If you know anyone in this situation that you think this podcast will be helpful for, make sure you send this to them and, you know, share it around.
00;48;46;14 - 00;49;00;13
Dave Quak
And we don't want to just grow this podcast for the sake of growing it. I really want to get people on who have lived experience, who have been changed through faith and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Toby, thank you so much for listening. Is there anything else you want to share, bro?
00;49;00;16 - 00;49;03;16
Anthony Topp
Nah, it's nothing's coming to mind then.
00;49;03;16 - 00;49;06;28
Dave Quak
Like pray for us. We'd appreciate that.
00;49;07;01 - 00;49;32;03
Anthony Topp
Father God, I just I just pray, Lord, if there's someone out there, who needs to hear this, this message, I just pray, God that you would just light the spark in their heart. Lord, you just. Yeah. Just give just. Lord, that fires that little ember of fire that needs to burn. And I just pray, Holy Spirit, that you would, fan that flame.
00;49;32;05 - 00;49;53;09
Anthony Topp
Whether that that is just, you know, someone stuck in that situation that they just, you know, like I said, you know, just in hell. It doesn't have to be drugs. It can be. It could be a bad relationship. It could be, you know, a toxic workplace. You know, you could be whatever, but it's hell. And it just you just wake up every day.
00;49;53;12 - 00;50;20;02
Anthony Topp
I don't know how I can do this. I just pray for them, Lord, that there would be an opportunity to just break free of that Lord. That you would just help break those chains. Yeah, or I just I just just thank you for everything you've done, Lord, in, in my life. I hope this message doesn't come across like it's easy to do.
00;50;20;05 - 00;50;45;24
Anthony Topp
It sounds like an amazing testimony. There wasn't without hard work, pain and suffering. Fear and and and and just feeling completely overwhelmed at times. But you're. And you trust in God and you, you know, lean on him and not on your own understanding. That's where miracles happen. It's possible. And he comforts us in all of our trouble as well.
00;50;45;24 - 00;50;59;11
Anthony Topp
So that you always care. We're just, Yeah, anoint, anoint this message in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.
00;50;59;13 - 00;51;19;20
Dave Quak
For more candid conversations on faith and mental well-being, check out some bentos.com. You can subscribe to our podcast on any major provider, or contact us directly to book us to preach or speak. Somebody at souls is a faith based ministry, and we want to thank everybody so far for their generous support. If you want to get behind us, pray.
00;51;19;20 - 00;51;32;21
Dave Quak
Our message reaches the ears of those that need to hear it. Feel free to donate financially online, but if you feel obliged manipulated to give you better off sharing a loved one a coffee instead.
Q&A: With Anthony Topp
Q: What was the hardest part of your transformation?
A: Honestly? The withdrawals. Months of pain and sickness. But the spiritual battle was just as real — learning to trust again, to hope again, and to believe that I wasn’t beyond saving.
Q: What helped you stay clean?
A: God, community, and purpose. Being around godly people and having a vision for my life made all the difference.
Q: What would you say to someone who thinks they’ve gone too far?
A: You haven’t. No matter how deep the hole, Jesus can dig you out. You might not believe it now, but you will — just take the first step.
Q: How can we pray for you?
A: Pray I keep growing in grace, that I never forget where I came from, and that I can help others find their way out too.
