Blended and Blessed: Faith, Family & Messy Parenting with Ash Morrison
Ash Morrison (00:00:46 - 00:00:52):
God has been so good lately, helping me realise there are things I can’t control, which has made me less self-critical. Now, I’m like, “Okay, Lord, handle it.” If I need to apologise, I will, but I’m learning to let go.
Dave Quak (00:00:52 - 00:01:12):
What areas have you struggled to let go of control in?
Ash Morrison (00:01:12 - 00:01:31):
It’s less about control and more about feeling I could’ve done better. If I mess up, I recognise the gap and pray, “God, fill it.” We’re imperfect, and I’ve always chased perfection. Even with university, if I don’t get the grade I want, I have to let it go.
Dave Quak (00:01:31 - 00:01:37):
Where do you think this drive for perfection comes from?
Ash Morrison (00:01:37 - 00:02:09):
Probably from childhood. If things weren’t perfect, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I carried that mindset forward. As the “fixer” and helper in my family, if I helped someone and it went wrong, I felt responsible for their life’s trajectory, based on what I did or didn’t say.
Dave Quak (00:02:09 - 00:02:22):
That’s a lot of pressure. How do you handle that with your current parenting situation? Tell us about your family dynamic.
Ash Morrison (00:02:22 - 00:02:58):
I have a blended family with five kids—two are biologically Zach’s, three are mine, but they’re all our kids. They’re aged 15, 13, 11, 9, and 7. Our youngest, Archer, has significant medical issues, developmental delays, and intellectual impairment, classified as level three autism. I’m a full-time mum, which is a privilege, though it wasn’t my dream. I love it now.
Dave Quak (00:02:58 - 00:03:14):
You didn’t grow up dreaming of being a full-time mum?
Ash Morrison (00:03:14 - 00:03:33):
No, I thought I’d hate it. Growing up in a broken home, I saw the world as broken and thought it was cruel to bring kids into it. I vowed I’d never do that, yet here I am with five kids.
Dave Quak (00:03:33 - 00:03:55):
With your deep desire for perfection, how does that affect your sleep?
Ash Morrison (00:03:55 - 00:04:19):
I sleep because I have to. It’s been easier since Archer. With my first child, Harmony, I didn’t feel the maternal connection everyone talks about. I stared at her that first night, overwhelmed, thinking, “I’m responsible for her for at least 18 years, maybe longer.” I was terrified of messing up.
Ash Morrison (00:04:19 - 00:05:14):
Because I hadn’t dealt with my childhood trauma, I overanalysed everything I said or did. I wasn’t empathetic to Harmony’s little emotional issues, which frustrated me. Therapy helped me realise my own childhood feelings weren’t validated, so I’ve worked to correct those mistakes with Harmony.
Ash Morrison (00:05:14 - 00:05:57):
Parenting was overwhelming. I was exhausted, constantly second-guessing my abilities. I’d obsess over things like no sugar until a certain age or perfect sleep routines. When they didn’t work, I felt like a failure. I’d call a friend almost daily, crying, convinced I wasn’t a good parent.
Dave Quak (00:05:57 - 00:06:17):
That sounds debilitating. You were told you’d just know how to parent, but you didn’t feel that maternal instinct.
Ash Morrison (00:06:17 - 00:07:09):
Exactly. I felt the pressure to raise a functional human. With my second child, Lennox, it was the same. I read a news story about a teen who stole a car and caused harm, and I wept, thinking, “If I parent poorly, Lennox could end up like that.” My parenting felt like a direct reflection of their future. When I got pregnant with Archer at 18 months with Lennox, unplanned, I was petrified. How could I handle three kids when two felt impossible?
Ash Morrison (00:07:09 - 00:07:46):
At 26 or 27 weeks pregnant, we learned Archer had tuberous sclerosis complex (TSC) from MRI scans. In a situation where I had zero control, I felt an inexplicable peace.
Dave Quak (00:07:46 - 00:08:06):
Wow, that’s powerful.
Ash Morrison (00:08:06 - 00:08:59):
Doctors suggested we could choose not to continue the pregnancy, but I refused. I said, “If God doesn’t want this baby, He’ll take him, and I’ll deal with that.” With my healthy kids, I was consumed by fear of parenting wrong. But with Archer’s dire diagnosis, I felt peace. I couldn’t “out-parent” a disability or medical issue. I had to trust God to provide doctors and specialists.
Dave Quak (00:08:59 - 00:09:37):
That’s intense. I remember when Archer had a seizure during church or post-surgery, and I tried to encourage you but ended up crying. You came to comfort me, showing this unnatural strength. What is tuberous sclerosis complex?
Ash Morrison (00:09:37 - 00:10:28):
TSC causes benign growths in the brain, heart, and kidneys. Archer has growths on his face that look like a rash and a gene mutation affecting the TSC2 and PKD1 genes, leading to polycystic kidney disease. His kidneys are cystic, visible on ultrasounds. The brain growths cause seizures by firing off electrical charges.
Dave Quak (00:10:28 - 00:10:57):
Yet he’s so joyful. I remember at your wedding to Zach, Archer, then about four, shouted something funny like, “I farted!” as you walked down the aisle.
Ash Morrison (00:10:57 - 00:11:13):
Exactly! Some parts of Archer develop typically, like his sense of humour, but overall, he progresses slower.
Ash Morrison (00:11:13 - 00:12:07):
When Zach and I met, Archer was two, not sitting up without a special chair, unable to eat or speak. I carried him in an ergo carrier because he was so long and lanky. We thought he’d need assistive technology forever, strapped in to stand or sit.
Ash Morrison (00:12:07 - 00:13:12):
The day my ex-husband and I decided to separate, Archer picked up a pizza crust and chewed it. It was devastating, yet exciting—a glimpse of God’s grace. I was shattered, but seeing Archer eat gave me hope.
Ash Morrison (00:13:12 - 00:14:09):
God keeps showing up like that. I never dreamed of being a parent, but I love it now. God knew I needed it. My plans get bulldozed, but it’s made me surrender control, saying, “God, sort it out.” Co-parenting with different households is easier because I’ve learned to let go, especially with Archer’s health challenges.
Dave Quak (00:14:09 - 00:15:28):
That surrender is powerful.
Ash Morrison (00:15:28 - 00:16:10):
Co-parenting is tough when styles differ, but I’ve learned there’s no “wrong” way to parent—just different. Amazing parents can raise troubled kids, and vice versa. We get caught up in doing it “right,” but no one truly knows.
Dave Quak (00:16:10 - 00:16:52):
Absolutely. Different cultures parent differently, like in Scandinavia, where kids start school at seven and catch up by nine, versus our push at four. There’s no one-size-fits-all.
Ash Morrison (00:16:52 - 00:17:38):
Exactly. My faith grew through parenting. With Harmony and Lennox, I built trust, but with Archer, I had no choice but to rely on God. There were times he could’ve died, and I had to surrender.
Ash Morrison (00:17:38 - 00:18:16):
My ex and I had different views on Archer’s diagnosis and coped differently. Some parents choose not to continue such pregnancies, and I don’t judge them—it’s hard. Mornings with Archer can be tough, like getting him to school today.
Dave Quak (00:18:16 - 00:18:56):
If you’re struggling with mental well-being, you don’t have to do it alone. Check out our 28-day course for $28 at sunburntsouls.com or subscribe to Sunburnt Souls. Let’s get back to Ash.
Ash Morrison (00:18:56 - 00:19:43):
It’s hard, and friends have shared they might not continue a pregnancy if tests show issues. I don’t know why they tell me—maybe because I’ve lived it. My faith made the choice clear, even though there was a choice.
Ash Morrison (00:19:43 - 00:20:36):
Before Archer, I questioned my faith, wondering if I’d turn away in hardship. I hadn’t faced something that hard, despite a traumatic childhood. I prayed to know if my relationship with God was real, and Archer’s diagnosis tested that.
Ash Morrison (00:20:36 - 00:21:47):
Hard things shape you. My “normal” was stressful, so I didn’t see it as hard until Archer. That’s when I leaned into God.
Dave Quak (00:21:47 - 00:22:34):
Your self-critical nature extends to questioning your faith, but it’s driven you to great things, like studying psychology. God can use that.
Dave Quak (00:22:34 - 00:23:12):
Your faith isn’t a tick-box religion; it’s intimate. How did you develop that?
Ash Morrison (00:23:12 - 00:24:47):
It’s small, daily choices compounding over time—choosing to let go of anger, living biblically. It’s harder in your own strength, but consistent choices shape you. Even how you think about someone matters.
Ash Morrison (00:24:47 - 00:26:01):
The year we learned about Archer, I did a 365-day gratitude challenge. Life was hard, so I focused on gratitude daily. Some days, I’d struggle to find something by 7:00 p.m., but I’d thank God for a blanket or a warm bed.
Ash Morrison (00:26:01 - 00:27:29):
That practice deepened my relationship with God. By September, when we got Archer’s diagnosis, I’d built seven months of gratitude. It carried me through his turbulent first year in hospitals.
Dave Quak (00:27:29 - 00:28:23):
How does gratitude work functionally? Do past moments remind you to be thankful?
Ash Morrison (00:28:23 - 00:29:53):
By the end of 365 days, I was a grateful person. In hospital, I’d thank God for cleaners, nurses, or an hour of sleep. Even when Archer’s heart was failing at four months, I was grateful for doctors. It trained my brain to find gratitude naturally, like being thankful for clean water or breathing without asthma.
Dave Quak (00:29:53 - 00:30:31):
It’s like James K.A. Smith’s idea in You Are What You Love—habits shape you. Choosing gratitude, like giving a sandwich to a homeless person, changes your heart over time.
Ash Morrison (00:30:31 - 00:31:39):
Exactly. Gratitude reframed my perspective. It’s a cliché, but I learned to “let go and let God.” Archer’s the best evangelist in our family, sharing his faith without hesitation.
Ash Morrison (00:31:39 - 00:32:38):
No one mocks a disabled child for talking about Jesus, unlike adults who might get laughed at. Archer’s unfiltered faith is inspiring.
Ash Morrison (00:32:38 - 00:34:15):
During therapy, he’d pray, “Dear Lord, thank you for the food on my head and the roof in my belly.” After my separation, God provided a rental, and we prayed nightly for a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Archer mixes it up, but it’s so sweet.
Ash Morrison (00:34:15 - 00:35:38):
His brother Lennox asked, “How do we know Archer loves Jesus?” I said, “He talks about it constantly!” Archer prays at dinner, bedtime, and sings worship songs at church, knowing the words before they appear.
Dave Quak (00:35:38 - 00:36:05):
I ran into you at the shops, and Archer was shouting about loving kids’ church!
Ash Morrison (00:36:05 - 00:37:14):
The other kids might feel jealous of Archer’s extra time, but they don’t voice it. We’re deliberate about one-on-one time. Harmony thanked me for a shopping trip, saying we rarely get time alone. The kids understand Archer’s high needs, but we work to balance attention.
Ash Morrison (00:37:14 - 00:38:40):
Zach’s girls adjusted from a two-child household to our five-child one, with Archer’s needs. They’re incredible with him, showing compassion. I thought it was normal until a friend was rude to Archer, highlighting their unique grace.
Ash Morrison (00:38:40 - 00:40:16):
Archer loves them, always asking for Rosie and Bailey. Blending families is often hard, but for us, it was seamless. They look like siblings, not stepkids, and act like they’ve grown up together.
Dave Quak (00:40:16 - 00:41:46):
Next week, we’ll hear more about Ash’s divorce, remarriage, and unconventional dating with Zach under God’s grace. If you’re curious about remarriage as a Christian, tune in. God bless, and thanks for listening to Sunburnt Souls
