Supporting Your Family While Managing Bipolar: 5 Ways to Lead Even with Mental Illness
In This Episode:
Why You Need to Hear This Conversation
How do you find the strength to care for your family when you're battling a mental illness like bipolar disorder? In this crucial episode, Dave Quak and his wife Jess flip the script, exploring how having a mental health challenge doesn't disqualify you from being a source of spiritual leadership, joy, and practical support in your home. This is a vital conversation for breaking the stigma of helplessness and building reciprocal relationships.
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Key Breakthroughs You'll Discover
The full conversation with Dave and Jess offers genuine hope and practical insight. In this episode, founder Dave Quak and his wife discuss:
Spiritual Authority in Any State: How authentic faith and regular check-ins constitute spiritual leadership, even when dealing with the extreme lows of bipolar disorder.
The Lifeline of Small Tasks: Why doing the simple, routine things (like being "the bin guy") isn't just helpful to your spouse, but a lifeline to pull you out of the cycle of self-focus.
Transparency as Financial Safety: Why viewing money as "our money" and creating mandatory pause times is the key to preventing financial chaos during manic urges.
Capacity-Based Contribution: How to shift from a perfectionist mindset to an honest conversation about what you can contribute, rather than defining yourself by what you can't.
The Greatest Gift is Growth: Why your commitment to being a little better tomorrow is the most loving, powerful thing you can offer your family.
The Full Transcript
1. Spiritual Leadership: Showing Up Regardless of Where You Are
Dave Quak: Welcome to Sunburnt Souls. I’m Dave Quak, and on this show, we explore life, faith, and mental well-being... Today, we’re discussing how someone with mental health struggles can also be a source of support for their family. Having mental health challenges doesn’t mean you can’t contribute to your family... Today, we’re exploring what it’s like for someone with mental illness to support their family, fostering growth and bringing light and joy. Relationships are two-way streets.
Jess Quak: Thanks for having me, Dave.
Dave Quak: It’s key to discuss mental health in this way. It’s not only beneficial for someone struggling to look beyond themselves but also to challenge the false narrative that a diagnosis means everyone must adjust to work around you. Instead, it’s about collaboration: “Here are my struggles, here’s how you can help me, and how can I help you in return?”... Faith plays a big role here. Jesus emphasizes love, which involves caring for yourself but also laying down your life for others... Let’s explore five areas where someone with mental health challenges can support their family... we’ll start with spiritual leadership... As your husband, who also has mental health challenges, what do you need from me in terms of spiritual leadership?
Jess Quak: A common misconception about spiritual leadership is that one person must do it for the other, which can hinder both our growth. Instead, we each take responsibility for our own spiritual walk and spur each other on... For me, spiritual leadership from you means living out your faith authentically. Our family witnesses this and is encouraged by it. Regular check-ins are also key—asking, “How’s your faith going? What’s on your heart? What’s God showing you lately?”
Dave Quak: Even with my bipolar disorder... I can still lead. In high moments, I might inspire like Paul... In low moments, it’s more like Jeremiah’s lamentations, still leaning into God but differently. It’s about showing up, regardless of where you’re at, and contributing what you can... Take the example of the man called Legion, freed from demons. Jesus didn’t require him to reach a certain level of sanctification before using him. He simply told him to share his story.
2. Helping Around the Home: Contributing What You Can
Dave Quak: Next, let’s talk about helping around the home. I admit I’ve sometimes brought chaos... I’m working on those negatives, but as a core family member, what do you need from me to support our household?
Jess Quak: You’re a vital part of the family, and ideally, everyone contributes what they’re capable of... You brought your strengths to the table, which isn’t just about mental health—it’s about every family identifying each member’s strengths and weaknesses to work together effectively... It’s about communication and managing expectations. We might all want an Instagram-perfect home, but reality often means prioritizing... Communicating about what each person can contribute, based on their current capacity, keeps our family’s priorities in focus.
Dave Quak: I worked hard to contribute to that holiday... Even with my mental health challenges, I could bring something positive by focusing on what I could do in the moment. Every family... needs to communicate about who can contribute what to maintain harmony.
3. Financial Management: Transparency and Godly Stewardship
Dave Quak: Let’s move to financial management, an area where my bipolar disorder can lead to poor decisions during manic episodes... God’s power is made perfect in our weaknesses, as Paul says... Jess, what do you need from me financially?
Jess Quak: Transparency is key. It’s our money, not yours or mine... Big decisions must be made together, prayerfully, and with time... we still need to pause and reflect on major purchases. For example, giving a decision a week or a month helps avoid impulsive choices... Sticking to a budget aligned with our values is something anyone can do, regardless of mental health challenges.
Dave Quak: Last night, I almost bought scuba gear on impulse... but I stepped back and canceled. That adrenaline-driven urge faded within an hour. Financial stewardship means recognizing that our money belongs to God, and we’re accountable for it.
4. Practical Help: The Lifeline of Small, Routine Tasks
Dave Quak: Next, practical help. The Holy Spirit is called the Helper, and relationships thrive when we serve each other. What practical support do you need from me?
Jess Quak: Routine helps us. You’re the “bin guy” and handle car maintenance, which are set responsibilities. These tasks stay consistent, regardless of your mental state, and they ease the household load... Dividing tasks based on our strengths reduces stress and keeps things running smoothly.
Dave Quak: Even in my darkest moments, like when I was deeply depressed, I could still take out the bin. Those small tasks kept me connected to the family and moving forward. They’re not just helpful to others—they’re lifelines for us... Small actions break the cycle of self-centeredness that mental health struggles can foster, reminding us the world doesn’t revolve around us.
Jess Quak: Mental health challenges can trap you in self-focus... Small tasks, like taking out the bin, pull you out of that spiral, offering fresh air or a moment under the stars... showing you can be a solution for someone else, even in small ways.
5. The Greatest Gift: A Commitment to Growth and Humility
Dave Quak: Finally, the greatest gift someone with mental health challenges can bring to any relationship is a commitment to growth. Even if I’m struggling today, I can aim to be a little better tomorrow.
Jess Quak: Acknowledging that we have the power to grow for the better, with God’s help, is crucial. Even standing still or not regressing can be progress. It’s about taking responsibility for where you’re at and moving in a positive direction, which benefits those you love. I need you to stay committed to growth—to being kinder, more like Jesus, and facing challenges with humility, knowing the Holy Spirit is our Helper.
Our Prayer for Your Journey
Thank you for spending time with Sunburnt Souls. Whether you listened to this episode or read the transcript, our prayer is that you feel less alone today. You are seen, you are loved, and your struggle does not disqualify you from being used by God. If this conversation resonated with you, please share it with a friend or in your small group.
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