Navigating the World of Blunt People: Insights from the Latest Episode of Sunburnt Souls
Are you someone who struggles with blunt people — or perhaps even is a blunt person? If so, this Christian Mental Health blog dives deep into the heart of that dynamic. In the latest episode of Sunburnt Souls, Dave and Jess explore what it means to be blunt, why it happens, and how those on the receiving end (or the giving side) can navigate it with faith, clarity and compassion.
Let’s unpack their conversation, and discover practical wisdom & spiritual insight for living well when bluntness meets love.
In This Episode:
1. Why Bluntness? What it Really Means
In the podcast, Jess makes a key point: bluntness isn’t inherently about being mean. Rather, it’s often about clarity.
“Bluntness isn’t an attitude of trying to hurt someone — it’s trying to be clear.” — Jess Quak
She emphasises that many blunt people simply value clear communication, perhaps because nuance or indirectness feel inefficient or confusing to them. Jess says that being blunt can sound like rejection (especially to someone who’s vulnerable, sensitive, or neurodivergent) — but that’s not always the intent.
And Dave, drawing on his own experience (including living with bipolar disorder and being married to a blunt person), speaks to the confusion this can cause: the tone, the delivery, the trigger of past hurt. But he encourages us to look deeper — to intent, not just words.
Key take-aways:
Blunt communication is often driven by efficiency, clarity, or truth-telling rather than malice.
If you are a listener of a blunt person: try to assume good intent, review their heart rather than only the tone.
If you are a blunt person: aim to pair your clarity with gentleness, tone awareness, and empathic delivery.
2. Bluntness, Neurodivergence & Family DNA
One of the most helpful parts of the discussion centres on how bluntness intersects with neurodivergence and family culture. Jess suggests that her blunt style partly comes from family DNA (army-dad background, siblings who spoke plainly) and possibly from her neuro-profile (she mentions being asked if she “might be on the spectrum”).
She says:
“Maybe they’re not picking up on nuance … Being blunt can actually be a gift … at least give the benefit of the doubt.”
For someone with autism, ADHD, or another neuro-profile, bluntness might be a natural communication style: fewer filters, more direct, fewer social cues. For the recipient — especially if they prefer gentler, more indirect styles — this can feel like confrontation or rejection.
Practical implications:
Recognise that someone’s communication style is tied to how they’re wired (neuro-divergent or not) + life experiences.
If you’re the blunt one: identify the receivers in your life; learn how they best receive information; adapt.
If you’re the one on the receiving end: ask, “Is this person trying to hurt me — or simply trying to tell me the truth in their language?”
For families: understand your family language. If you grew up around direct communication, you might not interpret it as harsh. If you didn’t, it could feel terrifying or attacking.
3. The Christian Lens: Bluntness, Prophecy & Love
Because Sunburnt Souls is a Christian mental-health podcast (hosted by Pastor Dave Quak) the conversation naturally touches on the biblical angle. Jess and Dave explore how bluntness shows up in scripture — for example through prophets like Nathan (who told King David “You are the man”), or John the Baptist calling out the Pharisees.
Dave emphasises:
“If Jesus does it, it can’t be intrinsically bad.”
He references the story in John 4 (the woman at the well) where Jesus is remarkably direct. He asks us to see: bluntness + love don’t have to be disconnected.
What this means for Christian living:
Blunt words can be a gift when they’re rooted in truth and love.
The verse from the Bible: “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) matters. If someone is blunt but clearly out of love, we don’t have to automatically reject their words.
For the blunt speaker: check your heart. Are you speaking truth without love? Then it may harm.
For the listener: when you know the heart behind the words (that it’s coming from someone who loves you), you can receive it with grace rather than offence.
4. 5 Strategies for Healthy Bluntness (And Receiving It Well)
Drawing from the episode, here are practical strategies for both sides of the interaction:
For Blunt Communicators:
Pause & breathe: even if you want to be direct, a moment’s pause helps with tone and timing. Jess notes: “You can say the most loving things in an unloving way.”
Check your intent: Is the goal clarity + help, or venting + judgement?
Know your receiver: Identify how they receive feedback. Adjust your language.
Emotionally prepare: If you’re tired, stressed, or socially maxed, you’ll default to bluntness. Recognise that and manage it.
Offer safety + context: Let people know you love them and you’re speaking into a safe space. Then deliver the truth.
For Receiving Blunt Communication:
Assume positive intent: As Dave says: “If you’ve got someone in your life who is quite blunt: firstly, understand their intent, not just their tone.”
Focus on heart, not just words: Consider their relationship history with you, their character, their past love.
Don’t take it as personal attack: Many times the bluntness is about the truth or the situation, not your identity.
Ask for clarity: If something stings, ask: “What do you mean by that? What’s your intent?”
Give grace and receive growth: Understand that we’re all on a journey. Just as you’re working on your mental well-being (and the podcast helps with that), others are working on their communication.
5. Why This Matters for Mental Health + Faith
The reason this topic is so powerful is because it sits at the intersection of mental health and faith — which is exactly what Sunburnt Souls does. The podcast focuses on “how faith and wellbeing meet in real life.” (Sunburnt Souls)
Here’s how bluntness ties in:
Mental health: If you’re vulnerable, anxious, dealing with rejection, trauma, or sensitivity, blunt words can trigger deep wounds.
Faith & identity: As followers of Jesus, we’re called to speak truth in love—but also to receive truth with humility, grace, and awareness of God’s design.
Relationships: Whether in marriage, friendships, church, ministry, or family — how we communicate matters enormously for well-being.
Spiritual growth: Being able to hear hard truths (blunt or otherwise), examine them in the light of God’s word, respond in humility — that’s a growth pathway.
6. Quotes to Remember
Here are some memorable lines from the episode that you might want to reflect on:
“Bluntness isn’t an attitude of trying to hurt someone — it’s trying to be clear.” — Jess Quak
“If you’ve got someone in your life who is quite blunt … first understand their intent, not just their tone.” — Dave Quak
“You can say the most loving things in an unloving way.” — Jess Quak
“For me … at least give the benefit of the doubt.” — Jess Quak
7. How You Can Apply This This Week
Here are some action steps you might try in the next 7 days:
Identify one person in your life who communicates bluntly (or you think is being blunt with you).
Reflect: What’s their likely intent? Are they trying to help, not hurt?
If you’re the blunt communicator: Write out what you want to say, then ask: Is love evident in how I’m saying this? Am I being thoughtful about timing and tone?
If you’re the receiver of blunt words: Ask a clarifying question the next time it happens: “Thanks for telling me that — can you tell me what you meant and why you’re saying it?”
Prayer/Reflection: Use the passage John 4 (Jesus & the woman at the well) as a way to see how Jesus handled truth + love with directness and compassion.
8. In Conclusion: Blunt + Loving = Possible
If anything from this episode and blog is clear, it’s this: bluntness and love are not incompatible. The key lies in the heart behind the words, the way the words are delivered, and the environment of trust between the people.
Whether you’re the one speaking plainly, or you’re receiving plain words, there’s tremendous opportunity for clarity, healing, growth and deeper connection — especially in the context of faith and mental wellbeing.
If you haven’t yet, I highly recommend listening to this episode of Sunburnt Souls titled “On Blunt People” — and then use this blog as a companion guide to reflect and apply what you hear.
Resources
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Let’s connect
If this blog helped you — or if you’ve got your own story with blunt people and faith & mental health, connect below. I’d love to hear how you’re navigating clarity, love and growth in your life.
